Matrescence: Understanding the Emotional, Psychological, and Identity Shift into Parenthood

Written by Ellen Bee, LCPC, PMH-C

Most of us remember adolescence, a season of rapid physical, emotional, and psychological change. Those years were filled with figuring out who we were, navigating shifting relationships, and striving for independence while our bodies seemingly changed overnight. It was disorienting, emotional, and overwhelming at times. Albeit awkward, we were told these shifts were completely normal and expected, and that reassurance helped many of us make sense of an otherwise disorienting experience.

Now imagine undergoing another transformation of similar magnitude, this time during the transition to parenthood. Your body, brain, relationships, priorities, and sense of identity begin shifting all at once. This developmental process is called matrescence, and despite being one of the most significant periods of psychological development in adulthood, it remains surprisingly unfamiliar to many parents.

What is matrescence?

The term matrescence (pronounced ma-TRES-uhns) was first coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s and more recently brought into mainstream conversation by reproductive psychiatrist Dr. Alexandra Sacks (Raphael, 1975; Sacks, 2017). It refers to the profound developmental transition into parenthood, encompassing biological, psychological, social, and identity changes that unfold over time. The word is intentionally modeled after adolescence because, much like that earlier stage of life, matrescence reshapes who you are, how you see the world, and how you relate to yourself and others (Sacks, 2017).

Much like adolescence, matrescence isn’t a single moment but an ongoing process of becoming. It may begin during preconception, pregnancy, adoption planning, or the anticipation of parenthood, and often continues well into the postpartum period and beyond. As Sacks put it in her widely-read reflection on the concept, motherhood itself is a developmental stage in its own right, not simply a return to a prior baseline once the initial adjustment period passes (Sacks, 2018). Viewing parenthood through this developmental lens shifts our understanding away from seeing it as a brief adjustment period and toward recognizing it as an evolving transformation that unfolds over time (Sacks & Birndorf, 2019).

Does this apply to fathers and non-birthing parents, too?

Although the term is traditionally used in the context of motherhood (the parallel term for fathers is patrescence), many clinicians and researchers recognize that aspects of this transition extend beyond birthing parents. Fathers and non-birthing partners can experience their own version of identity reorganization, shifting relational roles, and emotional adjustment, even without the hormonal and physical changes of pregnancy and birth. Individuals becoming parents through adoption, surrogacy, or fostering, as well as those who identify as non-binary or gender diverse, may also experience profound identity, relational, and emotional shifts as they move into parenthood (Sacks, 2017). While less studied than maternal experience, this broader lens matters clinically: partners and non-birthing parents deserve the same permission to name what they’re going through, rather than assuming the transition belongs only to the birthing parent.

What does it actually feel like?

If you’ve recently welcomed a baby and feel like you barely recognize yourself, you’re not alone. Matrescence often shows up as a collection of seemingly contradictory experiences, including:

• Overwhelming love alongside unexpected grief for your previous life or former sense of self
• Feeling fiercely protective of your baby while simultaneously craving time alone
• Joy and resentment existing in the very same moment
• A shifting sense of identity (“Who am I now outside of being a parent?”)
• Changes in relationships with your partner, friends, or family
• A body that feels unfamiliar, even after physical recovery
• Questioning your priorities, values, and sense of purpose

These experiences can be confusing because they often seem to contradict one another and cause emotional ambivalence. However, holding multiple, even opposing, emotions simultaneously is common during major life transitions. Loving your baby deeply while grieving aspects of your former life does not mean something is wrong; you’re adapting to profound change.

Matrescence offers a more compassionate framework

Historically, much of the mental health conversation surrounding new parenthood has focused on identifying and treating postpartum conditions such as depression and anxiety. While this work is essential, it has sometimes led us to emphasize what is going wrong rather than recognizing what is naturally changing. Matrescence is not a diagnosis, although perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs) can certainly coexist. For more information on PMADs, click here.

Research in perinatal psychiatry suggests that viewing early parenthood through a matrescence-informed lens helps normalize the wide range of emotional and identity shifts that can occur while still making space to identify when additional support is needed (Athan, 2024). Rather than immediately pathologizing distress, matrescence reminds us that vulnerability, uncertainty, and emotional intensity can all be part of a normative developmental process.

The science behind matrescence further reinforces how significant this transition truly is. During pregnancy and the postpartum period, the brain undergoes substantial structural and functional changes, reflecting remarkable neuroplasticity (Orchard et al., 2023). Rather than signaling that something is “wrong,” many of these neurological changes appear to help parents become more attuned to their baby’s cues, adapt to the constant demands of caregiving, and prioritize safety and connection.

At the same time, these rapid neurological changes combined with hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, physical recovery, and new responsibilities can understandably feel disorienting. Many parents notice changes in memory, concentration, or mental bandwidth. While these experiences can feel unsettling, they are often part of the brain adapting to its new role. Some longitudinal research also suggests that the cognitive demands of parenting over time may be associated with greater cognitive reserve later in life, though this remains an emerging area of study rather than a settled finding (Orchard et al., 2023).

Identity reorganization as a normative process

Alongside these biological changes comes a profound reorganization of identity. It can feel as though you’re simultaneously holding onto pieces of your former self while making room for an entirely new version of yourself (Hays, 1996). Many parents also experience a gap between expectations and reality. Cultural messages often portray parenthood as instinctive, joyful, and fulfilling, leaving little room for exhaustion, uncertainty, loneliness, or grief (Law et al., 2021). When lived experience differs from expectations, parents may mistakenly conclude they’re failing rather than recognizing they’re navigating a major developmental transition.

Relationships often shift as roles, responsibilities, and expectations evolve. Friendships may change and partnerships may require new patterns of communication and teamwork. Broader social and cultural pressures, including unrealistic expectations about parenting, work, and family life, also shape how individuals experience matrescence. Community support, systemic resources, and cultural narratives all influence how this transition unfolds (Law et al., 2021).

Essential supports during matrescence

While matrescence is a normal developmental process, that doesn’t mean it should be navigated in isolation. There are times when additional support can make a meaningful difference, particularly when emotional experiences become persistently overwhelming, symptoms of anxiety or depression emerge, or the transition begins interfering with daily functioning or connection to yourself or others.

Seeking support reflects an understanding that significant life transitions are easier to navigate when we feel supported. Research consistently identifies social support as one of the strongest protective factors for perinatal mental health (Biaggi et al., 2016). Whether that support comes from a partner, trusted friend, family member, support group, or therapist, feeling understood and connected can significantly reduce distress during the transition into parenthood.

Self-compassion can also become an important source of resilience during matrescence. Self-compassion involves treating oneself with the same kindness, care, and understanding one would offer a good friend, particularly in moments of struggle or perceived inadequacy (Neff, 2003). Research has since found that this stance is associated with lower levels of anxiety, depression, and stress (Neff, 2023). Rather than striving to “do it all” perfectly, self-compassion encourages us to acknowledge that struggling is a part of being human. For many parents, replacing self-criticism with curiosity can become one of the most meaningful ways of adapting to this new identity.

Five ways to move through matrescence with greater self-compassion

1. Name the transition. Simply learning about matrescence can be incredibly validating. Putting language to your experience helps reduce shame and reminds you that you’re navigating a developmental transition, not failing at parenthood. Share the concept with your partner or trusted loved ones to create opportunities for more honest conversations.

2. Make room for mixed emotions. You don’t have to choose between gratitude and grief, you can experience both. Acceptance-based therapies remind us that difficult emotions don’t need to disappear before we can continue moving towards what matters most. Rather than judging your feelings, practice noticing them with curiosity and allowing them to coexist.

3. Practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism. Notice how you speak to yourself on difficult days. If you wouldn’t say those words to another new parent, try offering yourself the same understanding instead. Small moments of self-kindness can reduce stress, strengthen resilience, and help quiet your “inner critic.”

4. Stay connected. Isolation often magnifies distress. Whether it’s another parent who “gets it,” a supportive friend, your partner, family, or a parent support group, meaningful connection reminds us that we were never meant to navigate this transition alone.

5. Seek professional support when needed. Persistent feelings of hopelessness, intense anxiety, intrusive thoughts, or difficulty functioning deserve attention. A therapist with specialized training in perinatal mental health can help distinguish between expected adjustment and symptoms that may benefit from additional support, while also providing a space to process the emotional and identity shifts of becoming a parent.

Parenthood doesn’t simply change your daily routines, it reshapes the way you understand yourself. Matrescence reminds us that this transformation deserves the same recognition, support, and compassion we readily extend to other major developmental milestones. If you’re navigating this transition, know that you don’t have to make sense of it alone. With understanding, support, and time, this season of becoming can unfold with greater clarity, connection, and self-compassion.

References

Athan, A. M. (2024). A critical need for the concept of matrescence in perinatal psychiatry. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 15, 1364845. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2024.1364845

Biaggi, A., Conroy, S., Pawlby, S., & Pariante, C. M. (2016). Identifying the women at risk of antenatal anxiety and depression: A systematic review. Journal of Affective Disorders, 191, 62–77. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2015.11.014

Hays, S. (1996). The cultural contradictions of motherhood. Yale University Press.

Law, S., Ormel, I., Babinski, S., Plett, D., Dionne, E., Schwartz, H., & Rozmovits, L. (2021). Dread and solace: Talking about perinatal mental health. International Journal of Mental Health Nursing, 30(9), 1376–1385.

Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309032

Neff, K. D. (2023). Self-compassion: Theory, method, research, and intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 74, 193–218. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-032420-031047

Orchard, E. R., Ward, P. G. D., Sforazzini, F., Storey, E., Egan, G. F., & Jamadar, S. D. (2023). Matrescence: Lifetime impact of motherhood on cognition and the brain. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 27(3), 302–316. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2022.12.002

Raphael, D. (1975). Matrescence, becoming a mother, a “new/old” rite de passage. In D. Raphael (Ed.), Being female: Reproduction, power, and change (pp. 65–71). Mouton.

Sacks, A. (2017, May 8). A new way to think about the transition to motherhood [Video]. TED Conferences. https://www.ted.com/talks/alexandra_sacks_a_new_way_to_think_about_the_transition_to_motherhood

Sacks, A. (2018, May 26). The birth of a mother. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/08/well/family/the-birth-of-a-mother.html

Sacks, A., & Birndorf, C. (2019). What no one tells you: A guide to your emotions from pregnancy to motherhood. Simon & Schuster.