Getting to Yum: Evidence-Based Parenting Strategies for Picky Eaters

Sept 7, 2021 By Dr. Brittney Evans

Many parents can identify with the struggle of having a child who is a picky eater. Any parent who faces picky eating at home can attest to the stress, frustration, and anxiety of attempting to serve meals and provide balanced nutrition for their child(ren), while attempting to ignore complaints and avoid becoming a short-order cook.

While “picky eating” is not a formally defined term and thus estimates of its prevalence can vary, research indicates that over 50% of parents describe their child as at least “sometimes picky” (Chao, 2018; Fernandez et al, 2020), meaning most parents will need strategies for managing picky eating. If you are struggling with trying to feed a picky eater at home, read on for more information about how and why picky eating develops in the first place, as well as research-backed strategies to help broaden your child’s diet and increase their flexibility around trying new foods.

Understanding the Basis of Picky Eating

Learning the evolutionary basis of picky eating can help parents to understand where their children are coming from and recognize that most kids are not simply being stubborn or oppositional. From an evolutionary perspective, being selective about what you eat has an important adaptive function. As omnivores, humans can eat a wide range of foods, but this diversity of foods comes along with risk, as eating a greater variety of foods also increases the chance of eating something that is poisonous or makes us sick. A cautious approach towards trying new foods helped our ancestors survive by avoiding consuming foods that were dangerous. Certain flavors, such as sourness and bitterness, can also signal that a food is poisonous or unsafe to eat, which is part of why children often display greater reluctance towards those flavors, compared to foods that are sweet or salty. In modern times, people do not generally have to be on high alert against avoiding poisonous foods; however, that cautious instinct is still hard-wired into us from birth.

Taste preferences begin to be formed in utero and continue to evolve as a child grows. As young children transition from a primarily milk-based diet to consuming a greater variety of table foods, children display high levels of food neophobia, or unwillingness to eat new foods. Food neophobia is natural and why young child might frown, wrinkle their nose, cry, and push away new food when presented with it. Many children gradually expand their diets following repeated exposures of new foods, but some children remain highly selective about what they are willing to eat.

Why is My Child So Picky?

So, why are some children picky while others might be willing to eat anything? There is no single reason, but multiple factors likely come into play. First, genetics is thought to play a part in picky eating (Breen, Plomin & Wardle, 2006). Some children with medical histories of feeding or GI difficulties can be pickier eaters due to early negative experiences they have with eating. Children with picky eating are also more likely to be “super-tasters” than children without picky eating, meaning that they have a greater number of fungiform papillae (the structures that hold taste buds) on their tongue and in turn, experience the taste of food more intensely than others (Golding et al, 2009). For instance, super-tasters experience bitter tastes as more intense and unpleasant and thus may be more likely to reject foods high in bitterness, such as dark green vegetables. Other children may have high sensitivity to other sensory qualities such as smell or texture that influence food preferences. Finally, family mealtime dynamics and environmental factors such as food accessibility can also play an important role in how a child’s eating preferences develop.

How Picky Eating is Maintained Over Time

While all children start out displaying some degree of caution to new foods, for some children, this pattern persists over time. For children who are consistently picky, part of this behavior is learned and reinforced over time as they continue to avoid new foods and eat the same narrow diet. Eating a limited diet reduces the opportunities for new learning, as picky eaters typically do not have as many opportunities to learn about and get used to new foods. Many picky eaters also develop beliefs about new foods, assuming they won’t like them because they have had negative experiences trying new foods in the past or generalizing one negative experience to all similar foods (the classic “I tried that once and it was gross so I won’t try anything similar ever again” attitude). For kids who are highly selective, they may miss out on opportunities for peers to model trying and enjoying new foods because they avoid social situations involving food altogether (e.g., “I don’t know if they will have any food at the birthday party I can eat, so I am staying home”). A rigidly limited diet can also increase perceptions of small differences in food presentation (e.g., brand of food, preparation method, etc.), which can increase pickiness over time.

A Note on Severe Picky Eating

While picky eating in children is quite common, more severe picky eating can also occur and typically requires more specialized attention. Severe picky eating is defined as a pattern of eating that is limited in variety and/or volume and results in significant negative consequences such as significant low weight or weight loss, nutritional deficiencies, dependence on tube feeding or reliance on energy-dense supplements, or psychosocial impairment (for instance, difficulty with relationships or peer isolation due to one’s eating patterns). Picky eating of this intensity is diagnosed by health care professionals as Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). Research suggests that ARFID occurs in about 3.2% of children ages 8-13 in the general population and about .3% of adolescents and adults ages 15 years or older.

ARFID can lead to very serious health concerns including mood disturbances, fatigue, stunted growth, low bone density, and even death. If you are concerned that your child has severe picky eating or ARFID, or if you notice concerns such as low weight or chronic fatigue, you should follow up with your child’s pediatrician to assess your child’s height, weight, and nutritional status. Once medically stable, there are effective cognitive-behavioral treatments for ARFID that can be delivered by trained behavioral health professionals in conjunction with a pediatrician.

Tips to Support a Child with Picky Eating in Increasing Flexibility Around Food

The following strategies can help parents with a picky eater encourage greater dietary variety and flexibility. Note that picky eating is not something that can be changed overnight, but with time and consistency, you can help your child expand their palate.

1. Use modeling. As any parent knows, kids are always taking note of what their parents are doing, even when they don’t appear to be paying attention. What you choose to eat and how you discuss food in front of your child are powerful tools to encourage them to eat a wider variety. If you model enjoying a variety of foods, children are more likely to learn to eat and enjoy those foods as well. Describing the sensory qualities of the food (look, texture, smell, taste) can be helpful in teaching kids about new, healthy foods and making them more interested in trying them. For example, “Yum! These snap peas are so crispy and delicious.”
2. Offer a variety of foods. Understandably, parents of picky eaters often get discouraged about offering foods to their child, thinking that they will undoubtedly turn them down. However, continuing to offer and serve a variety of foods to your child (without demanding that they eat them) will increase your child’s familiarity with the food and make it more likely that they eat it over time. Try starting with small amounts so that it is less frustrating when your child inevitably sometimes turns it down.
3. Help your child explore new foods in a neutral way. Encourage your child to explore and describe the sensory characteristics of a food without rushing to judgment about whether they like it or not. Encourage them to use all five senses to explore a food (for instance, “What does it look like? (E.g., green, round); What does it feel like? (E.g., smooth, rough), etc.). You could make trying new things more fun by creating a game or food critic activity out of this exploration.
4. Encourage trying, not taste. Send the message that it is more important that your child try a food than whether they love the taste, and that taste preferences develop and change over time. It’s okay if they don’t like it the first time! After your child tastes the food, ask open-ended neutral questions, like “What do you think?” Avoid making statements that can come off as critical, for example “See, that wasn’t so bad.” If your child says they don’t like it, avoid giving attention for that and focus instead on tasting the food again in the future. For example, “Next time would you like to try it raw instead of cooked?” or “The more you eat it, the more you will like it because it will become more familiar to your brain with each try. Our bodies are so cool!”

5. Repetition, repetition, repetition! Research consistently shows that for kids with picky eating, a new food must be presented and tasted between 6-15 times (Ventura & Worobey, 2013) before children demonstrate increased intake and preference for the food. Many parents often stop serving a rejected food after only 2-3 presentations. So, if your child does not like a new food on the first try, don’t give up! That just means it’s important to keep trying it. Keep serving it and encourage your child to keep trying because they are still getting used to it.
6. Praise your child for trying new foods. Research shows that providing verbal praise or rewards is a successful strategy for providing positive reinforcement to help children with picky eating try new foods (Marshall et al, 2015). In general, praise and encouragement is helpful and reinforcing for kids facing any sort of new challenge, including the challenge of trying new foods. In addition, you can use praise to reinforce other good behaviors at mealtimes, such as staying seated at the table.
7. Provide extra motivation. For pickier eaters, many foods are not highly rewarding on their own, so providing additional motivation through a reward can help kids get over their reluctance to try the food in question. In general, immediate and frequent rewards work best, so think about things you could award your child for trying a new food or eating something that is not their favorite, such as 10 minutes of screen time immediately after dinner or a sticker on a chart right away for a younger child.
8. Create more pleasant experiences around food. For picky eaters, food and mealtimes can take on a negative association if they often involve arguments or demands. Thinking about ways to make food more fun for your child and help them get comfortable with a wider variety of foods in a fun way can open the door to being more willing to try new things. Think about planting a garden, cooking new recipes together, or ordering a kid’s meal kit (for example, this kid-centered meal kit by America’s Test Kitchen), and getting your child involved in a grocery store scavenger hunt or bingo game.
9. Structure the environment for success. Our environment has a powerful impact on our behavior. Stimulus control means changing your environment to influence your behavior. You can use stimulus control to help subtly influence your child’s eating choices. For example, you might keep washed and cut-up fruits and veggies in clear containers at the front of the refrigerator or fruits in a bowl on the counter so kids see them and are more likely to reach for them as a snack. At the same time, consider keeping things you want your child to cut down on in opaque containers out of sight, or out of the house completely. It is much easier to encourage a varied diet when options are visible and easily accessible.
10. Establish structured meal and snack times. Some parents of picky eaters feel relieved to see their child eating anything during the day, and can offer children access to food whenever they want it. It seems counterintuitive to limit a picky eater’s access to food! However, when children have unrestrained access to snacks and preferred foods, they will be less likely to eat other less preferred foods when they are offered, likely in part because they may not feel hungry and in part because they know they can access preferred foods later. Establishing a regular schedule of meals and snacks every 3-4 hours is an effective way to help your child feel hungry at mealtimes and increase the likelihood that they accept more foods. As they say, hunger is the best seasoning.
11. Ignore undesirable behaviors. On the flip side of the coin, try to ignore negative or undesirable behaviors at mealtimes (e.g., complaining, making faces, playing with food, etc.). Giving these behaviors attention will only make them more common once your child realizes they get your attention. Selectively ignore the negative behaviors while at the same time, keep your eyes peeled for any positive behavior you can praise. For instance, if your child is complaining about having to eat broccoli but is sitting nicely at the table, you can ignore their comments and instead let your child know that they are doing a great job staying seated at the dinner table. Over time, behaviors that you praise should increase and behaviors that you ignore should diminish.
12. Avoid using food as a reward. While rewards can be a helpful tool, avoid using access to other more preferred foods as a reward. Asking your child to eat non-preferred foods like vegetables to gain access to a “reward” food like dessert might work in the short term but is counterproductive in the long term because it can enforce the idea that certain foods (e.g., sweets) are inherently “better” than others (e.g., veggies) and over time can lead to lower intake of the foods seen as “worse.”
13. Don’t demand or threaten your child to eat. Demanding or threatening your child can be frustrating and lead to arguments, which can lead to negative associations with certain foods. Demanding a child finish their plate is also unhelpful, because it teaches a child to ignore their internal hunger/fullness cues.
14. Don’t provide negative attention for sub-optimal dietary choices. Sometimes it can be easier to notice what you don’t like about your child’s diet, rather than what you do like. However, pointing out these things or criticizing food choices gives attention to those choices, which is (counter-intuitively) reinforcing undesirable behaviors. It also can lower children’s self-esteem and make them feel bad about themselves. Even worse, it can lead to ideas about certain foods being “bad” or things you should never eat, which is an unhelpful, and potentially harmful, way to think about food and eating.
15. Practice self-care. Parents have a lot on their plate (no pun intended), and trying to feed a picky eater can feel like one more struggle on top of many other stressors. Remember that to best support your child, you need to take care of yourself as well. If you find yourself fast-forwarding to a vision of your adult child only eating Goldfish crackers and butter noodles, remember that taste preferences develop across the lifespan and you are doing the best you can to support your child in a process that takes time.
16. Consider seeking additional support. If you have tried some or all of these strategies and are still running into challenges, support from a professional may be helpful. Behavioral therapists can provide parent coaching to troubleshoot and problem-solve barriers to eating, or work directly with the child to learn skills for trying new foods and tolerating the anxiety or discomfort that can come along with that process. Several of our providers offer services for parents and children looking for support around picky eating.

Additional Resources for Parents

Websites:

• MyPlate.gov. MyPlate is a source of nutritional recommendations from the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) based on scientific evidence about healthy eating habits. MyPlate.gov provides many online resources and tools for families to help make wise dietary choices and increase dietary variety in a fun and appealing way.
• Kids Eat in Color. A website by a mom and registered dietitian that provides information to parents to help reduce mealtime stress and help kids eat a variety of foods.

Books:

• Broccoli Boot Camp. A comprehensive guide for parents of children who are selective or picky eaters.

References

• Breen, F. M., Plomin, R., & Wardle, J. (2006). Heritability of food preferences in young children. Physiology & Behavior, 88(4-5), 443-447.
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• Fernandez, C., Harlan McCaffery, Alison L. Miller, Niko Kaciroti, Julie C. Lumeng, Megan H. Pesch. Trajectories of Picky Eating in Low-Income US Children. PEDIATRICS, 145(6), June 2020: e20192018.
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• Vaughn, A. E., Ward, D. S., Fisher, J. O., Faith, M. S., Hughes, S. O., Kremers, S. P., … & Power, T. G. (2016). Fundamental constructs in food parenting practices: a content map to guide future research. Nutrition Reviews, 74(2), 98-117.
• Ventura, A., & Worobey, J. (2013). Early Influences on the Development of Food Preferences. Appetite, 23(9), R401-R408.
• Wardle, J., Carnell, S., & Cooke, L. (2005). Parental control over feeding and children’s fruit and vegetable intake: how are they related? Journal of the American Dietetic Association, 105(2), 227-23.